Two dipshit wannabe writers on an uptown depravity tour lead the detectives at SVU into a truly outlandish world populated by avenging sister-moms and serial-rapists-made-good who are pushed back into serial raping by the heavy-handed approach of Stabler & Co. Along the way we learn about cleaning fish, proper wine breathing etiquette, and whether or not Ricardo from the Java Barn is the right guy to ask for illicit hard drugs. This episode revels in the early season insanity. Does it make sense? Does it have to?

When television's Harry Bosch (technically Titus Welliver) started firing blanks a few years ago, the strangest thing happened. Instead of happily raising the large brood of children he already had, he chose to pimp out first his wife, then his nanny, and finally his own daughter in a bizarre cult-like scheme to rear as many children as possible. Obviously, things went off the rails, or in the case of his daughter, nearly on to them when she attempts to throw herself in front of the N train starting this week's SVU in motion. Along the way Adam tells you all about applying for pre-K in New York, and we wonder whether or not NYPD could conceivably plant evidence beneath two feet of concrete under your townhouse.

Another SVU, another bizarre cult. This time around, a certifiable quack of the cloning-will-save-humankind-from-the-depleting-ozone-layer variety has an entire organization hornswoggling teen girls with low self-esteem into becoming his own personal baby factories. Don't worry, it's not just non-sexual sex cult action we're dealing with this time around. No, we've got police brandishing their weapons and running hilariously, accents that spin you around, and surprising restraint from a cult leader who seems much more interested in playing God than hide the salami. Of course, talk of claims of human cloning took Adam down a strange rabbit hole into the Raëlians, and there are some wildly unexpected revelations with regards to this week’s guest stars, so there’s a ton of munchy weirdness afoot this week.

Alt episode title this week? Her Mouth Is a Melting Pot.

In an episode Adam already covered on his guestisode of the These Are Their Stories Pod, we watched a preposterous reimagining of the various Michael Jackson sexual abuse allegations in which an uber-wealthy toy mogul lures children into his low-rent pirate-themed sex lair to dress them up in precious pajamas and have his way with them. Was it fun? Yes, absolutely. Did it feature enough lemur? Sadly, no.

This installment of SVU pits very recognizable teacher against an also recognizable student in a he-said-she-gonorrhea'd-me/she-said-he-raped-me exercise in who can we believe for the Unit and the audience. Sure, the teacher is Sabrina/Clarissa, but if we know anything about this show, it's hard to believe the potentially stuntcasted. And, yeah, the kid is basically known for playing quiet lunatics, but they can't both have done it, right? This one's fun AND strains credulity in all the best ways.

What happens when a trusted pediatrician is found to have extra-medically milked many young boys urethras over the years? Well in SVU, he is brutally beaten to death by one of his former victims who himself was doubly victimized as his Pica led him to eat the lead paint off of cheap toy cars which permanently stunted his development and planted the seeds of his rage. Come for Alexandra Cabot's jaw dropping Season 10 return, stay for Kim Greylek's unceremonious act 2 poochie'ing, and go home with a delightfully detailed breakdown of what exactly blood alcohol content means and whether or not the arrogant rich guy could have blown a 2.2 and kept driving.

Helen of Troy might have had the face that launched a thousand ships, but this gem of a Season 12 SVU is the problematic hellscape that launched the Munch My Benson ranking system. Kids are never safe in SVU, and in this episode we see kids casually listing their prostitution fees, kids getting Meet-Joe-Blacked outside of a farmers' market, kids getting chained up and forced to drink cyanide, and kids destroying a bespoke, heirloom blueberry compote. This is one hell of a ride. Enjoy!

We let the Munchies pick this week's episode, and by god did they pick an all-timer. Everybody's favorite cool uncle, John Stamos, shines as a reproductive abuser, and Lori Singer is but the most famous of his many, many victims. This one really has everything we here at Munch My Benson are looking for out of this unique series. Thank you for this marvelous choice!

When a sting to catch a groomer pedo goes sideways in a New Jersey train station, Alexandra Cabot disregards due process, civil rights, and decades of precedents in the pursuit of a conviction. We see the SVU debut of everyone's favorite legal hard ass, Elizabeth Donnelly, we learn about a particularly outlandish purchase that Josh is contemplating, and we definitively answer that age old question: Who's the boss? Those wanting Adam's airport rankings or our views on the relegation system in world football are encouraged to sign up for the Munchies tier on our Patreon. Enjoy!

The Munchie Boys tackled a tough one this week, as Stabler is forced to investigate the murder of an admittedly odious perp he'd locked up previously. If ever there were an episode that wallowed in the "you can't choose your victims" edict, it's this one. "Victims" also has some pretty big names in it to go along with some pretty rough pre-9/11 fashion and a Guardian Angels storyline that gives Adam a bit to talk about.

Elliot meets another father of a daughter, only the other father's daughter just died in an alley having just been sodomized, meaning there's some sympathy pain for Stabes to experience. These fathers are both on a tear, and it's hard to say who does more damage in this one. Of course, there are tangents, including a dive into the NYPD's heinous brutality done unto Abner Louima, so hold onto your butts.

This episode of SVU is so goddamn fun, guys. Rebecca De Mornay (no, not from the homeless shelter) hatches possibly the most outlandish plot ever devised on network television involving implanted mouth semen and Special Forces assassins, all to ensure that her milquetoast husband only ever has eyes for her. Wild stuff. Obviously there is a TON of stuff to talk about including the 1951 Academy Awards, the unionization of Strip Clubs, Lethal Weapon, the greater Shermerverse, the Bronx Zoo, and the future of this podcast. This is an episode to enjoy with your entire family--provided, of course, that they are down to listen to detailed discussions of the half-life of jizz loads. Special thanks go out to my other favorite Rebecca De Mornay, Sonya Eddy, who has sadly never performed in a Law & Order franchise.

What happens when a super rich girl gets cut off after her umpteenth parentally funded business venture fails? Well, since this is SVU, a grisly double homicide hastily staged to look like a murder-suicide, followed in short order by a slew of hits taken out on the Unit after they ignore Sarah Paulson/Anne Gillette's extreme white privilege, and an off-the-books massive undercover fake jailbreak operation against Cragen's explicit orders that they were all off the case.

There's also plenty of class warfare, crapping on abstract art, and multiple undercover ops, one of which includes Liv domming out on a bootlicking blue blood. And don’t worry, this still opens plenty of doors to vanish through, so if you want to know how abstract art got funded, and what nefarious organization was doing it, look no further than this episode of Munch My Benson.

Sometimes an SVU really does the racism. Then there's S7E6 Raw, which for an unfathomable 20:51 unfurls bigotry at an astonishing rate--an average of once every 23 seconds. And it doesn't even start until past the 16-minute mark. They pack so much hate into this episode that it left Adam and Josh dumbfounded.

If one were to carve a Mount Rushmore of bad moms out of someone's holy mountain, Diane Venora's character from this SVU would certainly be on it. This lady sucks a lot. While we get deep into her antics, we also talk about Adam's sickness (spoiler alert: he shouldn't have gone to that Yankees game), Belizean airports, nonsexual hygge snuggling, trashcan chicken, and Kenny Rogers.

In a true whirling dervish of an episode that turns the audience around and around, we start at a "kick-ass loft party," careen into a sexual predator in an ambulance, and end up back where the B-plot started with Calvin courtesy of his mother filching jewelry from a different crime scene. "Rescue" (S12E10) takes us everywhere. Along the way, we touch on improbable sampling of large members, insane PowerPoint presentations, and the Duke faux sex thesis controversy. This one goes to some weird places.

Ever wonder what would happen when Benson, Stabler, and the Unit get tangled up in an investigation that sends them looking into the Gulf Cartel, the FBI, Los Zetas, the CIA, and Cuban revolutionaries? Well, wonder no longer because this time around we are diving in to Season 11, Episode 6 "Spooked" featuring Vincent Spano reprising the role of FBI Special Agent Dean Porter. It starts with the SVU version of the Wet Bandits finding a pair of staged corpses with a rape tree and some stolen implants in the back of a box truck and just gets stranger from there. It may not make sense, but “Spooked” is a helluva nonsensical fever dream.

In the course of watching 112 episodes of SVU, few things have shocked us as much as seeing the writers of this show take a measured and nuanced approach to not one, but two decidedly problematic issues in polygamy and female genital mutilation. That these both appear in an episode that gives screen time to topics including "stop snitching" culture, tide charts, epilepsy, and one of Elliot Stabler's former flings means there was a whole lot to discuss. The true die hards will want to check out our Patreon for an extended history of the Biafran War from Adam, Josh going full on Rage Against The Machine, and the two of us nearly coming to blows over the availability of liquor stores in southern Utah. There is way too much fun/dumb stuff in this one folks!

IT IS HERE! LUKE PERRY, Y'ALL.

Are you holding onto your butts? Are you ready to have Law & Order: Special Victims Unit lay waste to your childhood? To destroy the sacred bond you shared with THE heartthrob of the '90s? To see the profound damage said heartthrob did to the very recognizable women he violated after leaving the glamorous environs of Beverly Hills?

In what might be the stuntcastiest episode in SVU's storied history, Dylan McKay (Luke Perry) does some pretty bad things to Darlene Conner (Sara Gilbert), Carol Vecsey (Julie Bowen), and our collective innocence. This episode is what started this whole venture back when it little more than a bitchin' name. Yes, via this insane show, Dylan McKay rapes our youth.

What this delightful episode of SVU (S11E18 Bedtime) lacks in terms of coherent three-act structure or thoughtful character development is more than made up for by the absolute cavalcade of bonkers plot lines and instantly recognizable famous people. Ann-Margaret justifiably won an Emmy for her turn as the perma-drunk Rita Wills. William Goddamn Atherton plays a petulant serial killer! Morgan Fairchild gets about 30 seconds of screen time! Liv and Elliot get propositioned for a threesome! Theres so much fun in this episode you're going to have to just dive in and revel in the madness.